Prince Charming Only Exists in Fairy Tales
by MrsSevvySnape
Summary: This story is about Lily Evans totally changing after her parents death from an egotistical girl that cares about looks and popularity to a nice girl that looks at personality before appearance. James broke her heart once. how will he get her back? R&R!
1. The Big Change

Disclaimer: The characters you recognize are JKR's and the plot is mine  
  
A/N: This is my third L/J fic. As you may have noticed, this contradicts with book 5 and yes i have read it and i do not wish to write what actually did happen i like this much better and i am in denial of sirius's death. Anyway... All of my other stories are crap. This is the first one I will be proud of. I should delete the others. Please take the time to read + review because this is taking me a lot of work and effort. Strap yourself in and wait for the long journey of Lily Evans and James Potter and posse. And now to the fic! -drum roll- _-_Jenna_-_ Sirius: -Walks in and bashes the drums-  
  
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Perhaps that day, the weather outside felt as bad as she did herself; Rainy, windy, groggy, just plain nasty weather. As Miss Lily Evans lay on her bed she thought of her ambition over the years and how she needed to take action. She was tired of being an outcast, an ugly geek! She was very shy, not very confident, low self esteem, and very sensitive, all because of the way people treated her, her whole life... But if anyone ever took the time to get to know her they would find her to be loving, sweet, funny, caring, and very nice. She too would have fun pulling pranks and taking a risk. But she always put up an act of pure hatred to everyone to shield herself. She had thick and massive glasses, braces, she was fat, average height, she had fairly long ratty red hair which she didn't bother to comb, and she was made fun of constantly. It was time to do something drastic. But before I get into the story on how her life changes from here on let me fill you in. She was a witch who went to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. She was a big bookworm, because she had no friends to occupy her, which made her lonely. She was a 6th year Gryffindor (one house of four), a prefect (one of 8 prefects which were the advisors (head boy and girl being top besides the professors)). Her strongest area of study was Charms, although she wasn't bad at everything else, one of the top in all her classes to be exact. She has many problems in her life though, such as threats sent to her parents by letter saying 'BEWARE MOODBLOODS!' and her mean horse-looking sister which treats her horribly for being a 'freak' as a witch, which she reminds her and her parents constantly throughout the day. She was also teased by Slytherins (also one of the four houses) for being a 'muggleborn' which means a person born from non-magical parents. Those in the eyes of Slytherins who are not born from both magical parents have 'dirty blood' which is a serious insult to a witch or wizard. That is worse than saying bitch or bastard in the muggle (non-magic) world.  
  
"Sticks and Stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me." "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me." "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me." Lily repeated to herself. Just then Petunia walked in, "Are you repeating that nonsense again? You ugly freak!!!" "STICKS AND STONES MAY BREAK MY BONES BUT WORDS CAN NEVER HURT ME!" "STICKS AND STONES MAY BREAK MY BONES BUT WORDS CAN NEVER HURT ME!!!!!!!!!!" Lily was screaming this now to shut out Petunias hurtful words. "Whatever, FREAK! You're a disgrace for me to be related to you!" Petunia slammed Lily's door shut, once again. Just then an unfamiliar owl dropped a howler on the floor and then swooped out the window. Lily opened it immediately, the longer a howler sits unopened, the worse the explosion gets. "LILY EVANS! DON'T COME BACK TO HOGWARTS EVER! YOUR SO UGLY AND FAT YOU DISGRACE EVEN OTHER MUDBLOODS!" the howler screamed and then ripped to pieces as the flame went out with Lily's tears. Her parents were used to Lily getting similar howlers, they don't even bother to ask her about them anymore, and in fact the week isn't normal without one. Lily cried for hours until she fell asleep, she dreamt of her handsome prince sweeping her off her feet, a prettier Lily, and a prince that resembled James Potter, the most wanted guy in Hogwarts. Then she woke up having forgotten her dream. "I am going to start my new life, now. I have the whole summer ahead of me." she said to herself.  
  
About two long months passed, with much of diets consisting of strictly greens, exercise tapes, jogs around her city, and anything active she can get her hands on, she also improved in sports. This certainly paid off, she lost tons of weight, and she was very skinny now. Nobody would recognize her. Her braces were removed yesterday, leaving her teeth smooth, straight, white, and giving her a dazzling smile. She also got rid of her glasses and started wearing clear contacts, her beautiful emerald green eyes with a different shade of sparkling green in every speck, was even more noticeable now. Her body form and curves became broader now and she was very gorgeous.  
  
Now she was on her way to a muggle beauty shop. Lily was so excited, she got to finally get her makeover and new wardrobe (her old clothes are too big now).  
  
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Disclaimer: These were not my characters.  
  
A/N: I hope you liked chapter one! I have the second chapter already made up. Please review! I want to be one of those people who get lots of review. Or else I will lose interest in my fic... I will put your name down in the authors note in the beginning of each chapter for every time someone reviews. Please no flames... I have feelings too.. LMAO! Byes-- +Shuts up so she can start next chapter+  
  
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	2. A shocking new look & visit to the park

Disclaimer: Nope! These still aren't my characters... But yep the plot is still mine.  
  
A/N: Even though I know you probably skip all this like I do when reading others fan fiction, I will just ramble on so you think I actually wrote something when I didn't therefore you feel bad because you couldn't see my secret!  
  
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As she was walking to the beauty shop she was there in a flash, while thinking of how different she will look after. She walked in and was greeted by a pretty smiling face. "Hello, my name is Melody! How may I help you?" she asked. "Hi, my daughter Lily would like to get her hair streaked and trimmed, layered, and a makeover. Whatever you think would look good for her." Mrs. Sarah Evans replied. Melody nodded and took her over to a chair and had her sit down. First she dyed blonde and gold streaks around her whole head of hair. Next she trimmed her long hair so it was up to just below her chest and layered it. Then she waxed her eyebrows and made them thinner. Lily got most of her whole body waxed. Next she gave lily a pedicure and a french manicure. Next she did her makeup: consisting of tints of green and gold eye shadow, black mascara, black eyeliner, foundation, light blush, and clear lip gloss. All of her makeup was done lightly and to perfection, it really wasn't too much makeup. Then Melody straightened her hair so it was 'stick-straight'. She was gorgeous, a real head-turner. When she showed her mom she almost collapsed. And when Lily looked in the mirror she thought it was lying to her, she was so happy she wanted to cry, she even thought she was hot! Then her mom paid Melody for everything and bought Lily all of the makeup she used. Lily and Sarah thanked Melody dearly and left the shop and started going to all of the stores and picked out cute outfits and bought them. When they got home Lily and Sarah were loaded with clothing, 6 bags full. "Thanks so much, mom!"  
  
Lily went through all of her old clothes and threw them away. She then put her new wardrobe in her closets and dressers. When Petunia saw Lily she screamed, "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!? MOM! WE HAVE AN INTRUDER IN THE HOUSE!" "No, it's me, Lily!" she replied. "But how?!" Petunia couldn't call her ugly OR fat anymore... so she just stormed out of the room as usual. Lily next unpacked her makeup and hair care/ straightening things and her nail polish kit and stored them in her bathroom. Lily was so excited! Later that day she would be going to Diagon Alley to get some dress robes and such. She had just gotten her Hogwarts letter the week before anyways. Lily decided to take a walk in the park while her mom was getting ready to drop her off at Diagon Alley. She sat on the swing and wondered why she changed her appearance. She was always taught that is was wrong to change your appearance for other peoples liking. But she felt better this way then her old self, and sadly at least this would give her the self confidence she needed. Who knows, maybe she would make some friends or meet her handsome prince? Just then as if on cue the most strange and ironic thing had happened. She recognized the handsome prince that visited her dreams frequently. His black untidy hair, his deep hazel eyes, cute glasses, and sexy body, he was tall too. It was none other than the other 6th year Gryffindor prefect from Hogwarts, James Potter which strolled right by her, get this, ALONE, and sat next to her on the other swing. 'Holy fuck! What the hell is he doing next to me! Doesn't he know it's me! He would be making fun of me by now! That bastard...' Instead, James spoke nicely and smugly to her and said, "Hello, how are you on this beautiful day such as yourself?" Lily just stuck up her middle finger and walked off back to her house. But James was now following her. "What do you want!?" she asked angrily. "Wow your feisty, I just wanted to befriend you. Why did you flick me off?" He asked her, sounding hurt. She just scowled and replied with "What you don't remember who I am? Well think harder." Then she ran home before he could respond, and he wasn't following her which was a good thing, or else her red-head temper would have gone off soon. She charged into the door rather angry, but her mother was ready to take her to Diagon Alley and that cheered her up in the meantime.  
  
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Disclaimer: Nope these characters will always be JKR'S and never mine unless you know otherwise.  
  
A/N: REVIEW!!!! -Promises not to ramble on any more.- 


	3. Diagon Alley Adventures

Disclaimer: What did you think it changed and that I own the original characters now? NOPE I wish...  
  
A/N: This chapter is long-ass and it took me three days to write/type. I hope you like it. R+R! Thank you to: fireangel (two reviews!), Legolasgrl, and Tomismine for your positive reviews. I really appreciate it you have no idea. (Reviewers on D-C)  
  
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Lily and her mom took the train to the leaky cauldron. As she walked in she saw a young bartender named Tom. He winked at her when she walked in but her mom didn't notice. Lily just rolled her eyes at him. Then Mrs. Evans gave Lily her wizard money and then they departed. (No muggles are allowed in Diagon Alley.) As Lily walked out the other side of the leaky cauldron she noticed several eyes of guys follow her out. She reached the brick wall and tapped in the pattern which was the passageway to Diagon Alley.  
  
This first place she went to was Madam Malkin's robes. She found many new robes and dress robes that looked good on her, including shoes and Gryffindor things too, and she bought them. Next she went to buy a cat and an owl because her old ones died at different times last year. She saw a white cat with black stripes and sparkly lime-green eyes. She was very nice and playful so she decided to get the cat along with kitty toys and treats and a mini-kitty bed. Next she found a black owl that has blue speckles on it and it is fairly large. His eyes are aqua colored. She bought the owl and purchased its food, cage, and toys. She decided to name her new cat, Limelle, for her eyes; and her owl, Vodesko. Lily gently put a kitty collar that was black with silver glitter on her. On the medallion was a star with 'Limelle' magically engraved on it. She then left the pet store and Lily held Vodesko in his cage with one hand and her bags full of other things in the other. Limelle followed her.  
  
Next, Lily went to 'Gambol and Japes Wizarding Joke Shop' and bought things so she could seek revenge by pulling pranks. Lily then saw Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew WITHOUT James. Sirius is tall, dark (the black hair), and has blue eyes, very handsome, and the other most wanted guy in Hogwarts. Remus has sandy-brown hair, light brown eyes, is average height, also handsome (third most wanted guy.)  
  
Peter is short, fat, has rough skin, rat-like, not good looking, very cowardly, and not loyal at all. In fact, why he hangs around the other marauders is a mystery to all but the marauders themselves. James, Sirius, Remus and Peter make up a group called 'the marauders' and they are the most well known group in Hogwarts to all people who go there with them now. They play pranks every day and have the largest record of detentions in all of Hogwarts past. Sirius is the crazy-stupid and fun-loving one. James is the leader and would do anything for a safe prank. Remus is the sensible one which spots the errors and danger in the prank plans. Peter is just cowardly, and always sides with the person that will benefit him. Sirius and James are on the quidditch team. (Quidditch is a dangerous wizard sport played on brooms, it has three hoops per-side, two beaters on a team, three chasers on a team, one seeker on a team, and one keeper on a team. The keepers defend the hoops to keep the other team from scoring a goal in the hoop. The chasers hit the quaffles (large balls) in the hoops of the other team. The beaters hit bludgers (medium-sized balls) (there are around two) at the opposing team's players and defends the players on their team from getting hit by a bludger. The most important player on their team is the seeker. A golden snitch (a small ball with wings) fly's around and is very fast and hard to catch. It hardly ever stays in the same spot for long. When it eventually is caught (with no time limit) the game ends, and it can not end unless the snitch is caught. It is around 250 points (A/N: I think that was it O_O) to the team that catches the snitch. The other team can still win if their chasers scored more than what the other team scored even if the snitch wasn't caught on their team. (So basically it is just whoever has more points.)) James is a seeker, Sirius is a beater, and Remus plays quidditch very well but for some unknown reason does not wish to be on the team. Peter does not play quidditch at all and does not do well with sports in general.  
  
So anyway, she thought she was seen briefly by Remus so she walked away quickly before either of them got to actually notice. Lily would have liked to play quidditch but she never had the figure for it like she has now. Next she made a stop to 'Quality Quidditch Supplies' and bought the all new, best model out now, Moontrimmer-broomstick. Now she can practice. She also bought a broomstick service kit. She left in a hurry out of fear of running into them. Lily looked at her supplies list and found books she needed and so she went to Flourish and Blotts to buy them. Next she went to the apothecary and bought her potions ingredients. But just before making it out of the store she ran into Lucius Malfoy- 7th year Head Boy (A/n: Yeah I know he is too old to be at Hogwarts but I want him there anyway.) and Severus Snape-6th year. They are her two least favorite Slytherins. Severus Snape has greasy black hair and hardly ever showers. He is very interested in DADA but does very well in Potions too. Lucius Malfoy has long blonde hair that is straight. He is fairly tall and thinks very highly of himself. They are also James, Sirius, and Remus's biggest enemies/rivals. Those two teased her most of all Slytherins (which she hates them all.) Lucius came up to her and smacked her ass -this is sexual harassment!-, Lily thought. Severus began to kiss her neck. Lily was appalled 'EWWWWW', she thought. Then she screamed out in terror "HELP! HELP!!!!!" -Nobody came- "Nobody will come and save you. So might I ask you what your name is?" Lucius said smugly very pleased with himself and this unknown hot 'chick'. Just then Limelle bit Lucius's balls and then bit Severus'. Lily escaped as fast as she could, running and holding all of her bags including Vodesko with Limelle trotting next to her. She quickly looked back and saw her attackers on the ground clutching their 'soft spots.' Lily ran into 'Florean Fortescues Ice Cream Parlor.'  
  
Lily sat down and thanked Limelle sincerely for saving her life. "What would I have done if I didn't choose you?" Then she ordered Peppermint ice cream and split it with Limelle, Vodesko. Lily still had some time to spare. Then she headed down to the Leaky Cauldron warily to spend the remainder of her time. She saw four girls together, two in which she recognized and another two in which she did not. Lily sat alone at the bar and ordered a butterbeer. One of the girls she knew came up to her and offered Lily to sit wit them. Lily accepted, the two girls whom she knew never said anything mean to her or behind her so she had no reason to hold a grudge. Those were one of the few select nice girls. "Hi I am Allissa Woodran, and this is Casie Dartch, Alexis Torrie, and Shevella Nacksin, who are you?" Allissa said. "Oh me? I am Li...Lily Evans... I go to Hogwarts too and I know who two of you are." Lily stuttered. Allissa and Casie practically died of shock. "REALLY!? WOW! You look so different!" Casie said trying not to touch a soft spot. "Yeah..." Lily was feeling uncomfortable. The girls could sense this so they changed the subject and accepted her change. "Well anyways... hey Lily!" they said at different times. "Alexis and Shevella are our friends from Salem Witchcraft in the U.S. and they are going to Hogwarts now." Allissa explained. "Oh, hey guys it's nice to meet you." Lily smiled. Casie has straight, blonde hair; she is on the short side and has violet eyes. She is very pretty. Allissa has wavy/curly brown hair with copper streaks in it. She is also short and is a chaser on the quidditch team. She is partially athletic. Those two are both 6th year Gryffindors as well. Alexis has black hair that is mostly straight and long. She has aquamarine eyes and is fairly tall, also very pretty. Shevella has natural multi-colored hair. It is straight and medium length. She is also medium-height. Lily learned that Alexis was also athletic and would try out to be a keeper on the quidditch team. They were all good at different subjects. Lily got to know each of them and they became fast friends. There was very little they didn't know about each other now. "They did WHAT to you at the apothecary??!!!" Her new friends shouted in rage. "Let's get them back, prank style!" Lily announced. They all agreed.  
  
An hour had passed and Lily's mother would come to get her soon. She parted from the girls and they all promised to write letters by owl and to get together again soon.  
  
"Bye Lils'!" Lily met up with her mom outside the Leaky Cauldron and they went home. Once she got there she unpacked all 5 bags-full of things. Then she set out Limelle's bed and set up Vodesko's cage. Her mom liked Vodesko and Limelle but Lily didn't tell her about the sexual harassment she got earlier. Lily had nothing to do now but fall asleep because her dad was working late that night as a muggle businessman (he made a lot.) She got into her pajama pants and camisole (tank-top) from her dresser (new wardrobe! yay!) and then climbed into bed and fell asleep immediately. Not even dreams could disturb her deep slumber right now.  
  
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Disclaimer: NO I have not bought it from JKR by the time I have finished the chapter! sheesh!  
  
A/N: Thanks so much! R+R!!!!!!!! 


	4. Hogwarts Around the Corner

Disclaimer: Sadly, still not mine, HP is so brilliant... wow...  
  
A/N: Yes nothing really important happens in this chapter, I am sorry about this. But I needed to make a chapter, I am way past due and I'm so sorry for the delay. Please enjoy and try to forgive me. I will try and write the next chapter soon. Thank you to all of my new reviewers: (Fanfiction.net) - juggling stars, CaptainOddball (X2), so-tight, Katsumi Leostar, and firehottie. (D-C) - Clear, Legolas Girl (again), fireangel (again), Stephanie, and Shelly. Thankyou very much! Especially to my loyal reviewers! I love you guys! As long as I still get reviews I will write. Sorry again, -_-Jenna-_-*  
  
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The form of a cat enlarged over the night into a human, a woman. Was this a cat? No, it was a young woman, one of which was Lily's grandmother in the past. The young-elder woman's spirit lay in the cat and came out that night. "She has to be careful, she must have James. I cannot stay forever!" 'Limelle' said to herself quietly not to wake up Lily. "The poor dear will have to suffer many losses." 'Limelle' shrunk back into a cat and looked at Lily with a glance of sorrow and went to sleep.  
  
The suns' rays were extremely bright that morning. Two weeks had passed since Diagon Alley. Lily sat up in bed, yawned and stretched and thought about things. Lily was still getting howlers, but the senders didn't know of Lily's changes. So their words did not affect her as much anymore. She also received several letters from her new and only friends: Allissa, Casie, Shevella and Alexis. Vodesko seemed to have no problems delivering letters. Lily's father liked Vodesko and Limelle; Lily's pets were a big shock. But the biggest shock was of course her new look. He also thought there was an intruder in the house or she was one of Petunia's friends. In fact he was drinking coffee and he spilt it all over himself when she said "Hi Daddy." Lily smiled at the memory and got up and dressed and refreshed. She had also been playing quidditch a lot and found she was really good at scoring goals in the hoops which would make her an amazing chaser. (A.N: Sorry! the snitch is worth 150 points... I knew it was 50 somewhere in there... just pretend I never said 250. :-D.) Her father would watch her play quidditch a lot and he was so proud of her. She went downstairs and ate some breakfast. She had become a vegetarian for her diet so she ate some vegetarian sausage. After breakfast, Lily arranged plans to meet up with the girls that day. The plan was for Lily to stay at Allissa's house for a week with the other three girls and then off to Hogwarts. Lily packed all of her Hogwarts things and her clothes for that week and the whole year and Vodesko and Limelle's things etc. She then finished up all of her Hogwarts homework and began to say her goodbye's to her parents. "I'm really going to miss you guys. I hope this year will be better then the others." Lily said sadly. "I can assure you it will! You already made some friends! I promise!" Her mom assured her. "We love you pumpkin, don't forget to write! And make sure that the boys keep their paws off of my little girl!" her father said jokingly. Petunia scowled watching them gawk over her. "JUST LEAVE ALREADY! GEEZZZ! ENOUGH OF THE CRAP! Go off and learn how to be a freak even more!!" "PETUNIA! THAT'S ENOUGH! NOW APOLIGIZE TO YOUR SISTER THIS INSTANT!" Mr. Evans yelled. "GEEZZZ... SOOOORRRRYYYY!" Petunia said with an attitude and then mumbled something under her breath that sounded like 'freaks'. "I'm sorry, what was the Petunia-dear?" Mrs. Evans asked. "Oh...um... nothing." Petunia denied and tried to smile sweetly... but failed... Lily rolled her eyes and returned back to her parents. "I love you guys so much I will miss you so much!" Mr. Evans looked at his watch. "GREAT SCOTT! We better leave soon! Look at the time!"  
  
They put all of Lily's things in their car trunk and set Vodesko free. "Vodesko, I want you to meet us up at Allissa's house." Vodesko chirped approvingly and then set off. Lily let Limelle out of her carrier once they got in the car. She looked out the car window while stroking Limelle's head and thinking 'wow, it's going to be another whole year before I see this place again... As I am a prefect I cannot leave for the holidays so easily.' a quick tear fell down her face and she quickly wiped it away. 'Everything is going to be fine this year.' she told herself. And yes, this was true, most things will. An hour passed and she finally arrived to Allissa's house. Her mom and dad helped carry her things into her house as Lily got a warm welcome from her four, new, friends. Lily gave her parent's one last goodbye and entered 'the Woodran mansion'.  
  
"HEY LILY!" All four girls yelled with happiness. "This is going to be so much fun!" They all agreed. "So... umm... what do you want to do now?" Allissa asked. "OH! Yes I have to show you our rooms, Lily, follow me." The mansion is beautiful! Every room a new theme, everything decorated to perfection. WOW, Lily thought. Once Lily set eyes on her magical room she was very moved. It was a replica of the ocean; it was exactly like the beach. The water was moving, and when she felt it, it was wet. There were endless fields of sand and shells. It was amazing! The sky was light blue with fluffy clouds. It was all so real, but it was a room in a house, magical. Lily gasped and set down her things on the floor and flopped on the bed. "We will give you some time to wash up and set up your things." Casie said. The four girls left the room. Lily noticed Vodesko was already there waiting for her perched up on the counter top. "You are such an intelligent owl." Lily complimented Vodesko. He chirped as a thank you. Lily set up all of her things and put her make-up and body care things in the bathroom.  
  
Lily sat back down on the bed and closed her eyes listening to the sound of the sea-shore. Limelle went into her cat-bed, stretched, and then fell asleep. This year will be amazing, Lily thought, it has to be.  
  
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Disclaimer: NOO! STILL NOT MINE! STOP RUBBING IT IN! . -cries-...  
  
A/N: I know I know... nothing productive happened. But at least you know the plan for the rest of the summer. I have something enlightening happening next chapter. Don't worry! I will try to get it up soon... But writing fan fiction and finding time is hard work! LYL! Byes~ -_-Jenna-_-* THANKS MUCH! R+R!!! 


	5. Very End of Summer Vacation

Disclaimer: HARRY POTTER IS STILL NOT MINE! -Wishes JKR would give it to her-  
  
A/N: Here it is! I hope you like it! I am so excited that I am finally getting to the plot! O_O!!!! -laters!---- Jenna+  
  
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"Truth" Lily replied. "Who do you like?" Casie asked. Lily hesitated, "I am not sure... I haven't really thought about it to be honest... I never thought I had a chance anyway. And all of the boys are so mean. I dunno... But I do know of one that I have fantasies about a lot..." "Go on...." Shevella urged. "James Potter." Lily hesitated again. "REALLY!?" Lily explained her frequent dreams of him. "Okay now that I shared that personal piece of information... how about we go around and tell who we all like hmmmm??" Lily smirked. "Fine," they agreed. First was Allissa. "Alright... I like... Remus..." Allissa blushed. "I like Sirius..." Casie said had a glazed look on her face. "And you two?" The two other girls suddenly looked sad. "Oh, we haven't met any Hogwarts boys yet... and..." Alexis could not finish the sentence. "They were both heartbroken really badly at their old school... the boys treated them really badly." Allissa finished. "Oh I'm so sorry to hear that! Well we will find you some nice boys at Hogwarts, I promise!" Lily said cheerily. They were all smiling now.  
  
"I wish we all looked as good as you, Lily" Shevella said. Lily smirked, "I have an idea... Girls, lets go to the store and buy tons of cosmetics and such." "That's a great idea!" Casie said. They all 'floo'd' to the magic cosmetic store. They found a ton of useful things. But the good thing about everything is it was magically charmed to look a certain shade or style for each individual person that used it. The hair highlights would turn the color that went nicely with the natural/previous hair color. The hair style equipment did the same, only with the right style to support the color and the body structure of the person. Each girl picked out a kind that would have the effective makeup they were looking for. Alexis looked for exotic colored eyeliners, Casie looked for the sweet look, Shevella looked for the naturals, and Allissa looked for variations of them all. When the girls got back to Allissa's they ate dinner, and then immediately set to work. Lily helped them with the hair highlights and styling. Casie's hair was now Golden Blonde with light blonde streaks. It was also thin, straight and flipped up at the bottom near her shoulders. Casie's cheeks were now a natural rosy pink, and she had very light blue eye shadow on with light blue eyeliner and black mascara. Her lips were clear-pink. You would describe her look as sweet and innocent. Allissa has brown hair with copper and gold streaks. It now went up to her stomach in beautiful tight curls. Allissa's cheeks were now a natural orange glow. Her eye shadow is a shimmer white with pink eyeliner and tinted purple mascara. Her lips are a very light and glossy magenta. Alexis's hair is now up to her elbows, layered with mini flips and jet black with different shades of red streaks in it. Her cheeks are a tan glow. Her eye shadow is a golden shimmer and her eye liner is lime green with royal blue mascara. Her lips are a clear-peach. Shevella's hair is now filled with gold's, blondes, blacks, reds and browns up to her waist, and straight. She has a light brown eye shadow and her eyeliner is just black with black mascara. Her cheeks are a very light pink. Her lips are just a glossy clear. Now they were all gorgeous, just like Lily.  
  
After days of fun, laughter, and planning of pranks, they were all on the way to the Hogwarts Express with their bags packed and full of things for the school year. They stepped out of the muggle car and their pets followed them along as they pushed their trolleys to platform 9 ¾. Lily, her trolley, Limelle and Vodesko all made it through the passageway. When she got out, she could not find her friends, so she just took care of the trolley and boarded the train and found an empty compartment. She sat by the window and looked straight out of it, and then she jumped up. Someone tapped her shoulder. Lily turned away from the window into the face of Severus Snape and Lucius Malfoy. "Well, well, well, what do we have here?" Lucius smirked. "We never finished our conversation... or so we should call it... back in the potions shop." He started. "You know, that cat did us some great damage, and we are just going to make sure that the equipment still works." He added. Lily tried to get out of the compartment, with a tug of the door slider she fell forward onto her face and passed out. James Potter was just getting into the compartment when Lily tugged to get out, and then Lily fainted right on James. James recognized the feisty red head he had his head set on, and then noticed the company around her. "MALFOY! SNAPE! WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER???!!!!" James screamed in rage. He gently put Lily down on the seat. And then he hexed Lucius and Snape so fast out of the compartment that nobody could have watched while it happened. James was furious. James and Lily were now in the compartment alone. All of a sudden a voice came booming from the speakers "I am sorry but due to difficulties of the train we will be locking all of the doors..... right about... now. You will not be able to get out until we get to Hogwarts. Sorry for the inconvenience. Cheerio!" This woke Lily up, and then she realized that she was in James Potter's arms. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? GET OUT NOW!!!" Lily jumped up. "Relax, you fainted on me when I opened the door. And I got those guys out of here, don't I get some thanks? And beside... They just announced that the compartments are locked until we get to Hogwarts." Lily groaned and sat down opposite of James. James decided not to press so he just sat back down and stayed quiet. "So, where is the rest of the crew?" Lily asked. "How do you know who I am... and what the crew is?" James was puzzled. "What? You can't figure it out?" Lily was a little angry. James stared into her eyes and face for quite a while. "L..il...y?" James asked. Lily nodded. "My god, what...?" James was dumbfounded. Lily glared at him and then stared out the window with teary eyes. "No, no! Lily you look amazing! I just can't believe..." James stopped the sentence there. "Yes, yes... Can we please move on?" Lily rolled her eyes. James changed the subject, "So... What kind of music do you like?" Lily and James started talking about regular things... And then they got more serious. Within an hour or so of talking, they knew everything about each other. They had a lot in common believe it or not. And also, James confessed to never doing anything more with a girl than kissing. He liked kissing. And Lily talked about how her life was horrible before the summer and how she has never kissed a guy or made physical contact like that other than hugs. Now they felt like they had known each other their whole lives, like they instantly matched, it was already done. "You are so amazing Lily, I wish I could have seen that in you before, and wow, you are so beautiful." James said to her truthfully. Lily blushed but then denied everything he said, "No, I am not amazing, and I'm not hot! I might look better than before, but I am not hot at all." Lily and James fought over this for a while and then changed the subject. Lily learned of James' love for Maranna Tinksworth, a nice and funny girl from Hogwarts. "She doesn't feel the same way as I do for her, but I can't help loving her. And I have girl problems... How about you?" James told Lily. "Just overcoming my past. And I have boy problems too..." Lily tried to hint to him that they should hook up." They talked about their families for the rest of the time and then it was time to get off the train and ride the carriages to Hogwarts. They quickly changed into their robes while each looked the other way, and set off.  
  
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Disclaimer: What do you expect?! NO! Harry Potter, It isn't mine! -Runs off into a corner, hides and cries-  
  
A/N: Yep, I bet you didn't know that was coming did you? Yes will things will be changing a lot and will get you yelling at James soon. I am sorry it took me so long to get this chapter up. But now I have gotten to the plot and the beginnings are always hard. IJ really hope you enjoyed it. Things will get spicy soon! Please R&R! Always--Jenna 


	6. Could this be fate?

Disclaimer: Just guess.... OMG SHE HANDED IT OVER TO ME! HARRY POTTER IS MINE! ... PSYCHE! Darnit.... I want it!  
  
A/N: So so sorry about the big gap of time! This chapter is longish and it is one of the most important chapters. I encourage you to re read it for hints of the future. Read and enjoy! Reviews make me write faster! –hint- --Jenna  
  
Could this be fate?  
  
I woke up bright and early. The birds were chirping, and the excitement of a nice fall morning ate away at my stomach. I was excited because of James. I went to the bathroom and showered in the sweet aroma of fresh spring. My senses opened up and I felt happy. I put on my makeup and jewelry and dressed for the day. I went outside to take a walk. The leaves were falling from the branches, and the sight of yellow, red and orange flooded the ground. The smell was of fresh wind and lovely old trees. I went inside and went to the great hall for some breakfast. I met up with the girls at the Gryffindor table. We led on conversations, but my mind was thinking of James. My eyes were on a long search for that cute face I forgot the looks of. Like how if you think of someone's appearance too hard you forgot what the look like until you see them. My eyes never found my quest, so I went back to the dorm and got my things for class. "Why, hello, Limelle!" I said when I saw my cat resting on my bed. I took my books and headed off to class with the girls.  
  
Our first class was Divination. I walked in and immediately was taken aback by the strong familiar smell of the room. I sat down on a pouf, and Casey, Alexis, Allissa, and Shevella sat at a table. Other students started filing in and then came in the divination teacher, Professor Sherhart. James, Maranna, Sirius, Remus, and Peter walked in. James sat next to me, Maranna to his right, and then the others sat around us. I was so happy that James sat next to me, but I didn't want to be the one to notice him first, so I kept my mouth shut and pretended I didn't notice he was there. Besides, I don't want to bother him when he is talking to Maranna. For every second that went by I got more sad and angry. He doesn't even notice I am here, just Maranna... Finally Maranna said, "Hello Lily! How are you?" I woke out of my stupor and said "Hello Maranna! I am fine, you?" This was a lie. "Good, Isn't it great to be back here again?" "Yeah!" I lied again. "Hi Lily! Why didn't you say anything?" James turned to me. "Sorry, I didn't notice you guys were there..." I lied once more. James turned back to Maranna and put his arm around her and started talking to her again. I stood still, shattered, and made sure my eyes didn't show a trace that would hint that I was watching and was upset. Everyone else around us beside Maranna and James noticed the tension waves coming from me. Sirius called for James and he got up and went over. I moved over to Maranna. "Hi, You don't have to answer this if you don't want to. But, do you like James?" I asked her. She rolled her eyes "NO! Everyone asks me that silly question. No, we are just good friends. I just don't see James that way. I don't know why." "Oh, well you seem so close and stuff. But okay then, thanks." I replied. I felt relieved. James returned and had a confused look on his face. I looked over at Sirius to study his face and see what he said to James. Sirius was looking the other direction though, and I couldn't tell.  
  
"Alright, class, today we will be studying complex tealeaves again similar to your third year. I will assign partners to everyone. You know what to do." She partnered me with Anita Winchester from Gryffindor. Anita is tall and has short, straight black hair, and ocean blue eyes. We both exchanged smiles and set to work. As I was working with Anita I felt a stronger bond of a friendship. Like I could tell her anything, and I knew she would end up my best friend. "Okay, your tealeaves resemble cupid. It says here that you are in love but have a journey of chaos that comes with it." Anita had a trace of sorrow in her voice. "I hope these are all false." I said to her. Anita agreed. "Your tealeaves are the shape of two people. It says in the book that this means you will have a really good friendship with someone soon." I told her. With that, we both looked at each other and declared that we would make that true. It was a fast best friendship. But I am happy, because Alexis and Shevella are best friends... and Allissa and Casie are best friends. I laughed with Anita the whole class period. And then it was over, and we went to the rest of our classes that day.  
  
That night I saw James at the Prefect quarters. I went up to him, "Hi James!" I said. "Lily!" he gave me a hug. I blushed. We had a nice chat and it came to the subject of my past experiences. "You have NEVER kissed anyone? Seriously, I think I will just have to change that! I like kissing." "I like that idea, how about as a Halloween present?" James held me for a little. I was blushing really bad now. "Halloween... rather far from now isn't it?" he said. "Yeah, it is. Well do you want me to meet you here tomorrow and we can see what happens?" I asked him. I could not believe what was happening. "Sounds good to me, I mean, if this is what you really want." he said. "Of course it is." "But, I feel kind of weird, I would much rather do that with my boyfriend than just a friend." I said frowning. "Me too, but it is up to you." He said. I wanted to kiss him, so I didn't think it over. "I will see you tomorrow then. Bye!" I left the room. I went to the other side of Hogwarts and took a bath at the Prefects bathroom. It is so relaxing. I thought of how the bubbles and the warmth of the bath pool are so amazing, and how I can't wait until tomorrow. I was now clean and relaxed and got out of the pool and dressed, and left for the Gryffindor dorm. I met Anita in the common room and we both headed to the 6th year girls dorm and I met up there with the other girls. I told them about James and everything that happened that day. They were happy for me, and shocked at the same time. Inside myself, I felt myself growing weaker. I was letting go of who I was for James, and I just met him.  
  
[i]My Fantasy-  
  
I sit in class, walk in halls, stare off into space,  
  
all thinking and hoping for one thing. When I met you nothing else mattered.  
  
Time is short, we just met,  
  
I know you, and you know me.  
  
I can not ask for anything more.  
  
I compare you to everything I am doing  
  
and wish the biggest tragedies on myself  
  
just so we can be together.  
  
I will go out of my way anytime for you, even for just a mere glimpse.  
  
Only in my dreams would you be there.  
  
But now it is clear you are here  
  
and I want you to stay.  
  
You have your ways of getting to me.  
  
Laughing, smiling, talking, walking, falling, spilling,  
  
and even when you act 'retarded.'  
  
They all make me so attracted to you.  
  
Every breath, every word that flows out of your mouth, regardless, is a song that makes my heart flutter to every beat.  
  
Like a butterfly trapped that cannot get out; and my stomach in knots.  
  
I stare into your amazing eyes hoping you will comply.  
  
Your eyes send me the desire  
  
of even just the simplest kiss,  
  
but of something more a passion.  
  
I can imagine our lips together,  
  
as we lean in and then get the amazing smooth feeling of each custom line in our lips against the other;  
  
the taste of it all residing in a sweet kiss.  
  
Never ever have I had this happen to me;  
  
never more will I meet anyone as amazing as you.  
  
Let me crawl into your arms.  
  
When will I wake up to the dreaded reality?  
  
Deep Passion.  
  
My fantasy-[/i]  
  
Disclaimer: Darnit you people are tearing me apart... Harry Potter is not mine... sadly...  
  
A/N: Okay... so that is the end of that chapter. But if you review I will update a new one soon. I wrote that poem up there btw... PLEASE REVIEW! ... Love ya! - Jenna 


	7. Good or Bad Events?

Good or Bad Events?-  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. A/N: This is a very emotional chapter. Either you will be screaming at Lily, or James, or both. Enjoy!  
  
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It was the next day and Lily was excited for the event to happen later that day. She was ready for classes and went downstairs to the Great Hall for breakfast. When she walked in, she saw James standing at the Ravenclaw table and talking to Maranna. She averted her eyes over there and then quickly tried to hide the fact that she was watching so nobody would notice. James left the Ravenclaw table and went over to the Gryffindor table. On the way he stopped and talked to other people.  
  
~Lily's p.o.v.~  
  
All of a sudden from behind me, I felt something poke me and I jumped from the back. It was James. "Hello James." "Lily, how are you today?" he asked. "I'm alright." I smiled. "You?" I asked him. "Same." He smiled at me. There was plenty of space for him to sit down next to me I noticed. But he left and sat by the other marauders (Sirius, Peter, and Remus.) I sighed. "Anita, what is happening to me?" Anita just shook her head and we headed off to our next class, Charms, with the Ravenclaws. "Of all of the other houses, why does it have to be Ravenclaw next class?! I know that Maranna is nice and all... But James never takes his eyes off of her!" I was completely jealous and I complained to Anita most of the way to Charms class. "It will be okay, you heard it yourself, she doesn't like him!" Anita reminded me. The class period went by slowly as we learned about different charms that make you a certain mood. "For instance, if you want to make someone else angry, think of something that makes you really angry and point your wand at them and say 'Vendractio Moodem' and they will become that mood you were concentrating on." Mr. Flitwick explained. If it wasn't for the fact that Charms was my favorite class, I would be so depressed I could turn the whole class suicidal with one incantation of that spell. The class ended and the other classes went by fast.  
  
It was now the time I was waiting for. I fixed my hair, brushed my teeth, and changed into better clothing, and sprayed some perfume on myself so I smell nice for James. I was so excited that the walk to the prefect's quarters was very short. I could not believe that soon I would be getting my first kiss... What if I messed up? I don't know how to kiss... What if he thinks that I'm a loser and gives up? "Emonium Retscattle" I repeated the password to the portrait leading to the prefect quarters. I walked in and James was already there. He was reading a quidditch magazine and looked up and smiled at me. I walked over to the couch he was at and sat down. James threw his magazine across the floor and got up. "Excuse me one moment." He said to me. "Alright." I said. I got up and walked around looking at all of the moving portraits in the room. James walked into the room and was close to me. Unconsciously I backed away a bit for some breathing room. "Are you sure you still want to do this?" He asked me. "Yes, I am just nervous; I have never kissed anyone before I am probably really bad at it." I admitted to him. "No, don't even worry about that." He assured me and smiled. There was an awkward silence and part of me wanted to start cracking up out of nowhere. But everything was happening so slowly, it didn't feel real at all, but it was. The next thing I knew was extremely close to James and my head was as far up as possible so I could be level with James, and he leaned down. Our lips were together and I felt him thrust his tongue in my mouth. I didn't know what to do, but I slid my tongue in and rubbed against his tongue. It seemed very pointless to me at first. We broke away. Then a few seconds later tried again. I was starting to get the hang of it. The more and more we kissed, the better I liked it. We went to the couch and sat down. It was the way he held me, as I felt his arms creep over me as I was in his lap, I knew, I loved him. We talked, kissed and cuddled for a couple hours and then James had to go and do homework. I felt a little flustered but I got up, and we shared our last kiss for the night. "Lily, you are a good kisser." He told me. I smiled and left. On my way back I thought of how good James was himself. But I don't know, he is the first boy I have ever kissed. I love the feel of his lips, how soft they were, and the feel of the pressure against mine. I was in a very good mood.  
  
Almost every other day, I was with James for a few hours at the quarters in the evening. He was always the one that had to leave first. It seemed like we were getting closer and closer every time we saw each other. But everything was hidden and secret, I told only my closest friends, but I doubt he told any of his. I wanted people to know, I did not realize that things were really hidden to everyone. I was not talking to my friends as often, but was trying to be near James; although when I was I hardly ever went up to him. It was time for Divination class again. I was paired up with James. James smiled at me. We worked silently on the task the teacher gave us and we got in a heated discussion. "James, I think I love you." I told him. "I love you too Lily." He told me. Now I was really confused. "But, why are we not going out?" I asked him. "I don't know, I mean, I care for you so much I don't see why we aren't." he said. "But, you know I would, right?" I asked. "Yes, but I really don't think I need a girlfriend right now. I feel like I am messed up, and you deserve better than me." he answered. "That is not true. Look at all of the girls that are after you! I don't love anyone else but you. I would give anything to you." I confessed. "I know." He said. I then realized, nothing I said changed anything. "But then, what are we? Nobody knows about us..." I said. "We are close to going out... like super friends." He said. My heart sunk and I became angry. "Why are you kissing me and such?" I asked with a little bit of a tone. "If you don't want me to I'll stop." "NO" I cut him off. "But I do love you." He continued. I was in a fix. How can you be in between something like that? I am farther away from my friends... And being with James is almost all hope lost. "I don't want to be giving you false hope or anything, but may be sometime when I sort out my issues." He said. "Do you promise me that you ill not and you have not been kissing or holding any other girls while we have been like this?" I asked him worriedly. "Of course I haven't and I will not. You don't have to worry aboput that, you have my word." He said undoubtedly. I felt relieved... but I wondered... what issues? James is perfect he has anything he ever needs... a great life... my life too... and he needs to sort out issues? I was getting angry and sad and depressed.  
  
Meanwhile everyone is realizing something is wrong with Lily. Lily wasn't telling them a lot. And she hardly talked to them as much anymore. Even though they didn't know her before her appearance change, they knew she has changed because of James. She was no longer a strong person, she was not afraid of anything, and she became cold and depressed. She changed herself. What could they do? The next day Lily spilled out her anger and sadness to James.  
  
"It is not fair; I don't want to feel played like this. But you're the only person I really care about anymore. And I try, but I can't stop wanting to be with you. What are you having issues with? Wait... don't tell me! You are still after Maranna aren't you!? Have you done anything with her?" I burst out fast. "Yes, sadly I still am after Maranna. I don't feel like I can give you all of the love you deserve. Not as much as you give me. And no I have done nothing with her." He said sadly. My heart sunk if possible even lower... After all of that... He still loved Maranna. And she was the reason why we were not together. I am not mad at her, she doesn't like him and it is not her fault. But damnit! "You love her more, don't you?" I asked him. "No, I don't. And it isn't even that... It is just that the love is there and that isn't fair to you." He said. "Oh. I understand." I said. "Maybe... maybe we should start over... Maybe we need to take a break from all of the kissing stuff. Maybe we should just be friends, like regular friends. I understand if you won't want to be my friend." He said. "What..." I started. "But I love you!" I started crying and then ran off to the girls dorm and cried my eyes out even more. I lost it... It was over.  
  
[i]-Lifeless-  
  
It invades your every thought, dream and hope.  
  
You begin to regret everything said and done.  
  
But one thing is always clear, true love never fails.  
  
You love her so much you let her go. This strong pain is killing you both.  
  
You let her slip by as fast as she came.  
  
Who is to blame?  
  
You let her cry as she wants to die.  
  
The sparkles of joy in her eyes will no longer exist no longer will a sweet kiss.  
  
Her eyes turned cold and depressed, her lips battered from biting the skin.  
  
You let her spirit die so she sits in the corner and pretends to smile but she really cries inside.  
  
She gave out her heart and soul to you.  
  
She makes calls to get it back but they do not obey.  
  
There they lay with you forever as she hopes you squeeze them with your fist.  
  
The only thing she enjoyed, only thing she ever loved in life was you.  
  
You made her feel special, loved, and strong, and then stripped and tore it all away. Congratulations, you got your way, but now she is lifeless, cold and bitter, in pain.  
  
She cannot reopen, trust, or love; she cannot relive nor regain, anyone else, never again.  
  
For you still and always will have her love.  
  
She awaits for you inside with her dead spirit and pride.  
  
You should love nothing about her, like everyone else.  
  
I am she, that unworthy being of whom seeks your approval.  
  
I shall lay here forever and wait until I die. –[/i]  
  
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A/N: That is the end of that chapter. I hope it was long enough. Thank you to all of my reviewers! Please R&R! I haven't been able to put any names in here because I haven't been getting reviews... O_O So please do and I might deliver a new chapter really soon!-- Jenna 


	8. Overflowing Emotions

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter... O_o'  
  
A/N: There are a lot of poems in this chapter I would greatly appreciate it if you read them all, I wrote these when I went through this exact crisis and it really works for this. Lily is very vain right now, but everything will change once she breaks free and matures ;). This chapter is somewhat of a bore and is distressing. I cried writing it remembering everything I went through in this... Reliving it was not easy, but after this things will almost pick up like JKR left it. :HINT, HINT: ENJOY! And please R&R once you have finished. I work faster when you send positive reviews.  
  
Chapter: Overflowing Emotions ~  
  
-Fighting the Wind-  
  
She stands alone on a mountain;  
  
The pitiless wind ruffles her hair and dries her tear-stricken face.  
  
She's on her own, fighting to remain strong.  
  
The wind is powerful but she holds on for nothing but you.  
  
Love is very painful and as brutal and cruel it may be, also lays a very beautiful and graceful thing.  
  
She must have him!  
  
She climbed up the very top and fought the wind.  
  
Love shall conquer all. –  
  
Lily woke up on a Saturday and she got up and ready out of bed, and went downstairs to the common room.  
  
~Lily's p.o.v.~  
  
I sat on the couch in the deserted common room. What time is it? Just then, James came down the boy's steps and I quickly put my head in my hands and my hands on my knee.  
  
I wonder if he still cares... James did see me and he started walking over, I could sense it.  
  
I felt a hand on my back and looked up. "James" was the only word that came out of my  
  
mouth.  
  
He started to speak. "Lily, I'm so sorry. I can't do this... Not over the Christmas  
  
holidays!  
  
I should never have suggested we start over." he said.  
  
"James, I want a relationship." I said to him.  
  
"I can't give you one now." he said.  
  
"I still don't understand. If you are so worried about hurting me, this is hurting me more than you could ever hurt me. Are you playing me for action?" I asked.  
  
"I wish I could tell you, I just don't know. And I hate hurting girls, especially you;  
  
You are so special to me. And no, I would never do those things with you for the action, I thought you liked it." he said.  
  
"No, no! I do like it, a lot! But I feel that you are doing these things with me because you don't want a relationship but you want that stuff... and you know I would do them with you."  
  
"I don't want you to have that impression. If you want, we can stop." he said.  
  
"No, I just would rather do those things with a boyfriend..." I started.  
  
"I know me too... OH! I have to go now to the library! Catch you later Lils!" he said that last part rushed.  
  
"Of course... Bye..." I said under my breath.  
  
~  
It was finally Christmas time and people were leaving to go home for the holidays.  
  
Lily and James would have those arguments every other day and nothing ever changed.  
  
Lily was staying at Hogwarts for the holidays, and James was going home.  
  
In fact, all of the other Gryffindors were leaving for the holidays, besides Lily and Anita.  
  
~  
  
It is just the second day of vacation... I am sure he will write me soon... He promised.  
  
I miss him so much! I don't know how to deal without him... My heart aches so strongly and I want to sit in the dark, in the corner, curled up in a ball until he comes back to my side!  
  
I could skip meals, I could cancel my Christmas presents... If there was anything I could do for him to be here right now!  
  
Look at me! I am even crying... I don't cry... I don't cry! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME!?  
  
Am I just another girl? Some worthless girl... One amongst his fan club?? THEY DON'T KNOW HIM LIKE ME!  
  
THEY SHOULD STOP LIKING HIM AND JUST GIVE UP!... Nobody understands...  
  
I feel so played... How do I deal with this? Do I just give him the silent treatment?  
  
Do I give up..? NO never I can't... But do I give him a test...? I am being too easy...  
  
How can I play hard to get with him, if I could lose him that way... He could slip through my fingers...  
  
AHH what do I do!? I am going mad! I can't just sit and let this get worse without an action.  
  
If I go like this forever as just a good friend ... doing boyfriend- girlfriend things... It just isn't right!  
  
But talking to him is useless! I have tried that almost every other day for the past two months!  
  
Nothing ever changes, and I am wearing thin! And the thing that bothers me the most is that nobody knows a thing about us (Besides Anita and the girls.)  
  
It almost feels like he is embarrassed of me... I wish he would just give me a straight answer dammit!  
  
Maybe if I died he would care. I want to take a knife and cut out the part of me that cares for him. I want to be murdered brutally and watch my funeral to see if James sheds a tear.  
  
I want to commit suicide so he knows it was because of him. I want to hurt him emotionally as he has done to me.  
  
He has my life! I mold my time around his schedule to see him; I pass up studying when I need it.  
  
My grades are slipping... My friendships are slipping... And he is wasting away MY life.  
  
Who am I supposed to ask for help? Petunia doesn't give a fuck.  
  
I can't talk to my parents about this kind of thing... And I'm not sure Anita would be able to help...  
  
Oh well, it is worth a try...  
  
~  
  
Limelle was hiding behind a chair as she heard Lily talking to herself of her tactics.  
  
"The poor child! I saw the future! I know they will be together... But this is just too complicating! At the rate James is going, he will screw everything up and she will hate him forever!" Lily's grandmother worriedly retreated out the common room to go for a midnight stroll.  
  
~  
  
Lily got out a piece of parchment and started writing to her sister Petunia, doubtfully.  
  
Dear Petunia,  
  
I know you could care less about me and you hate my guts, and I don't even know why I am writing to you... But I need help! I have gotten involved with this guy James Potter. It seems like he is using me for things couples do... But we are not together and I know he is not doing that. But he is keeping that stuff hidden from everyone, and I am afraid I have truly fallen in love. He says he loves me, but he won't tell me why we can't go out. He says he isn't embarrassed of me... And that he is in love with another girl... Maranna... He loves me more... But he insists that it is unfair to me. I am going crazy, so crazy as you can tell that I even asked YOU for advice. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, put the fact that you hate me aside, and please help!  
  
Always, your sister-- Lily Evans.  
  
Lily put the letter in an envelope and scrawled Petunia's name on the front. She decided to wait to send it in a day or two.  
  
Just then, Anita walked in the room. "Hey Lily flower, what's shaking?"  
  
"Oh, nothing..." Lily said uncertainly.  
  
"Sure... Lily, I'm not stupid. The other girls have noticed your distance with us too. It has been over a month. Please, tell me what the hell is going on? Is it James?"  
  
Lily sighed. "Yes, I am so fucked up! I want to die!"  
  
Lily spilled out her whole story to Anita, full feelings and all, along with a flood of tears.  
  
"Shhh... It will be okay. You know you don't need James. There are plenty of guys out there." Anita comforted Lily with a soaking wet shirt gouged in Lily's tears.  
  
~  
(Lily's Diary entry the next day)  
  
Dear Diary:  
  
I miss James so fucking much! That talk I had with Anita did help my strength... But I can't bear the thought of not being with him... Or him kissing another girl... Imagining James holding another girl like he holds me shreds me to the tiniest pieces! Today was the worst Christmas I have ever had in my life... And I can't wait for break to be over so I can see James! But there was one good thing... I got a short card from James. Although I wrote James a poem of my love for him, his card was still good. It reads,  
  
Dear Jenna,  
  
I am sorry it could not be more,  
I just want you to know that I  
think you are an amazing  
person!  
Love, Your retard- James  
  
That retard thing is funny. I remember when we were talking, and we were debating over which one of us was more retarded... And we agreed we were both each others' retards... I put the card in my locked trunk. I have gone to my trunk and read and kissed it at least 10,000 times today. I MISS HIM SOO MUCH! DAMN HIM!  
  
My emotions are overflowing; I think I shall write some poems:  
  
I have been thinking about him and Maranna and how he even walks her to classes he doesn't have with her and carries her books...  
  
I love you so much, enough to let you touch.  
  
You got under my skin; I'll never let you leave.  
  
I'll give it all to you, what are you giving to me?  
  
One glance of your face and I forget every trace.  
  
I walk the other way, the way that leads to you.  
  
In my heart I know you don't go out of your way as i do for you.  
  
In my heart I know you don't love me as much as i love you.  
  
In my heart I know you don't pass anyone up for me as you do for her.  
  
Even while having the knowledge of these things i still give you my all, everything I have to give.  
  
I know it's wrong to give you play, you tell me it's wrong too.  
  
But what can I do, it's all too natural, I can't not touch you.  
  
It is hard for me to go about knowing you don't make sacrifices for me, would you if I was dead?  
  
As I dream of this a smile comes to my face.  
  
Then soon after it's replaced with a frown, I could never put him through that pain.  
  
For that would be no good, for even though he gives me pain, I love him and I never could.  
  
You never wait in the common room for me, I see you outside hers all the time.  
  
I walk by it often to find you, even if you have no time. (Although I never say hi)  
  
You always spend time the other friends of yours.  
  
I feel cast aside.  
  
I drop all my plans for you, and you blow me off.  
  
If only you weren't so perfect, if only I could hate you.  
  
But I can never hate you, you're my everything.  
  
But I hate myself, and yet all I ever need now, and forever more is you.  
  
And I also have these other emotions...:  
  
Lying on the floor, cradling my wounds, wounds of not being next to you. A bitter crime, cruel and merciless. I want you to be near oh so badly. I cannot sleep, I cannot breathe,  
  
I cannot feel nor think. For inside I already am when you are not there to wake up my soul. Only you can send me that passion. My longing for you cannot be measured.  
  
You are my dearest. I lay dying without you, rotting in pain all around.  
  
Wherever and whenever you are now come to me, let me seek you and have my deep wish. Come to me or I shall no longer be. You are so brutal in your ways of not always being with me. I need you always and forever. Do not kill me, please, for then I can never be with you again. Do not let me die by myself. I love you- Never leave me again for a second. Come back!  
  
Paper Heart-  
  
My heart is made of paper, nothing but the thinness of it all. It used to be thick like a stuffed animal but you ripped out the stuffing and left it bare. You wormed yourself in so it would explode although you never quite succeeded. You never cared if it was to tear or did you want it torn in the first place? Hearts are made to pump blood and breathe. But you taught it to seethe. The paper gets flimsy every day and deteriorates with every say.  
  
I should make my heart to be glass but glass cannot be ripped away. For every heart beat is like a drum of glee for death. Any day now my heart will be possessed and I will no longer be. I ponder if there is blood in my heart, maybe just ink and black globs of mortal pleas. My heart is made of paper no thanks to cruelty of mankind. You shall write on it and sign it as 'You Shall Die.'  
  
This pain inside is just too strong, I can't admit how this is wrong, I can't move on.  
  
Every second the pain grows deeper, and every time my strength gets weaker. I can't even think of you with someone else, I can't even think of kissing another. My heart mind and soul scream in agony whilst you rest with your best. I miss hearing your heartbeat from your chest, and the way you hold me like I am something of worth. All I do is curl up in a little ball on the ground for I am so tired and worn out. All I needed was you by the end of the day for I just wish you would stay. I wish you were here right now, to take my breath away since you always know how.  
  
~  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. . -repeats this to herself-  
  
A/N: This chapter I am sure was frustrating for all the readers. It is not always a joy to listen to some lovesick insane girl ramble about the great guy. But it has a meaning. Hint: Limelle was foreshadowing! R&R = Me update new chapter sooner! Always—Jenna ^_^ 


	9. The Way it Should Be

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter so please don't hurt me! LOL  
  
A/N: Okay this chapter is very eventful. This is the turning point of the story and the big mess is clearing up. Enjoy!  
  
-----------------------The way it should be--------------------------------- --------------  
  
Lily was happy, the Hogwarts express finally brought back all of the students as Christmas break was over.  
  
Lily couldn't decide on any decision she should make to take care of matters with her and James.  
  
"Lily, will you come with me somewhere now?" James asked Lily knowing she would approve.  
  
"Sure." Lily tried to hide her anxiousness. She wondered what he had planned.  
  
Perfect James; perfect personality, perfect looks, perfect interests, everything perfect, except for his decision making and love perception.  
  
James took Lily to the empty astronomy tower. Lily gasped as she saw how beautiful the stars were that night.  
  
"James, I love you." Lily hopefully admitted again.  
  
James just smiled.  
  
Lily remembered a discussion they had earlier. She told him that anything he wanted to do with her, she approved.  
  
Lily stared at James and they leaned in and shared a kiss, a kiss that Lily shared as love and sincerity. James' half sent emotions of sorrow and regret, but Lily paid no notice.  
  
Lily broke the kiss and looked at him and her eyes told him it was okay, that she was his and he could do whatever.  
  
James was hesitating. He just held her.  
  
Lily gave him a quick deep kiss. She told him it was okay once again.  
  
James finally complied, and as they kissed Lily could feel a hand, James hand, creep up her shirt and unclasp her bra.  
  
He then ran his hand carefully and slowly over her breasts. After more kissing and feeling, they finally broke away.  
  
The night continued for another half hour of this.  
  
"I love you." Lily repeated.  
  
Still, there was no response from James. Not long after, James had to leave for an unknown reason and left Lily there as she stared at the stars and the moon.  
  
Lily had finally done something with James that was a first. As Lily stared at the stars, she began to realize just what had happened.  
  
James lost his love for her.  
  
It drilled into her heart painfully as she slowly realized why.  
  
She changed herself for him, just so she could prove to him she wasn't as amazing as he thought. It drove him away. He still loves Maranna as well.  
  
He stopped loving her, and he knew it, and she let him kiss her just then, she let him feel her which was a lot worse.  
  
Lily began to feel deceived and betrayed. 'He would never play me; he just wanted me to be happy.' Lily thought to herself. 'I'm such a fool!'  
  
Lily decided that something had to be done for sure this time. She was glad things didn't get farther than they did.  
  
"James this is it. You have to tell me once and for all. Make up your mind and tell me. What is going on in your head?" Lily wouldn't take 'I dunno' for an answer anymore. She was now ready and willing to lose him if that was what he had in stock for her.  
  
James did not know how to answer. "Okay, but you won't like it." He said, knowing that Lily wouldn't let go of this conversation lightly.  
  
"Go on." Lily said as a minute of silence passed.  
  
"Things will never work out between us." James said as he turned on his heel and walked away.  
  
Lily stood there dumbstruck. It was not quite what Lily expected would happen. But was satisfied he finally told her exactly what he figured out. She was ashamed that she wasted so much time on him all for nothing. How she wasted her tears, her friends, her life.  
  
Lily walked over to the Gryffindor common room, tears flowing down her cheeks rapidly.  
  
This would be the most painful thing she ever went through. It had to be.  
  
The next morning Lily looked like hell. Her face was red and her eyes puffy and suggesting that she had a large batch of tears the previous night.  
  
Some people asked her what was the matter, and Lily just nodded them off.  
  
Vodesko landed next to Lily bearing a letter addressed to her.  
  
Lily opened it curiously, wondering what it was for.  
  
As Lily read it, she trembled and shook and tears ran down her face like mad.  
  
Lily got up, "NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" She screamed as the whole hall stared at her.  
  
She ran over to the Gryffindor common room and absently dropped the letter on the floor.  
  
Anita got up fast and looked at the letter Lily dropped before she ran off.  
  
It read:  
  
Dear Lily,  
  
We are sorry to inform you that your parents were killed at 9:19 last night. Your sister, Petunia, was out with her boyfriend that night and was unharmed. We have found out that your parents were killed by death eaters with the 'Avada Kadevra curse.' A funeral will be held for your parents this weekend and Albus Dumbledore will contact you with more information. Once again, we are terribly sorry.  
  
Sincerely, Robert Raker- of the Ministry of Magic  
  
Anita gasped. "Oh my!" she ran after Lily and thrust the letter into Allissa's hands.  
  
Lily lay in her bed crying into her pillow. As if James wasn't enough, her parents had to die too!  
  
If she wasn't so involved with James maybe she would have talked to her parents more and would have been able to tell them she loved them before they died.  
  
These thoughts reoccurred in Lily's head as well as, what will Petunia say to her? As if she didn't hate her enough.  
  
Where will she go now that her parents are dead?  
  
How can she carry on the rest of her life without her parents? Nothing looked good on her end. What could possibly be worth living for?  
  
Lily decided it was her time. She had to end her life.  
  
She got up quickly and walked over to the astronomy tower. This was it. She would jump.  
  
Meanwhile: Limelle was taking a walk outside and saw someone standing on the top of the astronomy tower. "OH NO! IT'S LILY!"  
  
Lily took a few breaths and decided she would go through with it. She had nothing to live for, not even friends.  
  
As Lily put her foot on the edge she heard Anita call after her from behind and saw her cat walking on the ground nearby.  
  
This was it; her last chance.  
  
Lily jumped off the tower and felt endless air as she rushed down to the bottom. Wasn't she supposed to be dead by now? Wouldn't she have hit the ground?  
  
She opened her eyes and saw a familiar witch pointing her wand at her.  
  
The witch had cast a 'floating' spell on her.  
  
"Lily, what were you thinking?"  
  
Lily remembered her ancestor's picture and recognized her live in front of her.  
  
She ran to her great grandmother or cat and hugged her tightly as the tears ran down in great abundance.  
  
"There there child, everything will be alright."  
  
After a couple minutes of this, Lily passed out and Limelle realized she had been spotted by Anita and quickly changed back into her feline form.  
  
Limelle nudged Anita and beckoned her to take the collapsed Lily to the hospital wing.  
  
"Thank you Limelle." Anita said as she was confused. Hadn't she seen a witch standing there instead?  
  
Anita didn't think about it too much, as she carried Lily to the hospital wing.  
  
On her way there, James, Sirius, Remus and Peter were on their way to class as they saw Anita carrying a collapsed Lily in her arms.  
  
"What happened?" Remus asked.  
  
"Nothing any of you would care about." Anita scowled and hinted mainly toward James.  
  
Anita finally made it to the Hospital wing to a flustered Madame Pomfrey.  
  
Since Madame Pomfrey hardly ever asks questions, she quickly tended to Lily and told Anita to go to class.  
  
After a couple hours of being revived, Lily awoke from her slumber and remembered what had happened. She was half glad she didn't die, but half upset.  
  
And did she really see her great grandmother? Was Limelle her animagi form?  
  
She realized that although her parents were the last thing to live for and they died, that it would be pointless to kill herself when she was certain her parents would never want that.  
  
She finally realized that James and she were over for the best. She was badly heart-broken and it would be a long time before she got over him, if she ever would. It was time for her to go through some changes. It was the way things were meant to be now, and this was the way it should be.  
  
Lily closed her eyes again to rest with confirmed thoughts once more, and would wake up to a disappointed headmaster hovering over her.  
  
Disclaimer: No, I still don't own Harry Potter. –mumbles-  
  
A/N: Okay, I tried to keep this chapter going and leave with a semi-cliff hanger. For my past reviewers that have flamed and commented on how Lily is an egotistical blonde and only cares about looks and what people think of her and blah blah, it had a point. From this point on you will start to realize where and why I am going with this. The end has some major foreshadowing in it. I really, really like writing and I sincerely hope it is improving. Remember, positive or constructive reviews will make me want to write the next chapter sooner. Thanks a bunch! –  
  
Jenna 


	10. A Vow From Now On

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.  
  
A/N: Sorry it has been so long since I have updated but I have been really busy and frankly I think this story is crap. Enjoy...- Jenna  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------  
-A Vow From Now On-  
  
Lily woke up from her long sleep. She sensed a presence to her left and slowly sat  
  
up to find a long silvery beard and dark blue robes leading to the face of Albus  
  
Dumbledore.  
  
"I see you have woken up after a few days of rest." His calm voice was comforting.  
  
"Madam Pomphrey insisted that I give you this piece of chocolate when you woke up.  
  
And please do eat it, or she'll have my head."  
  
"Thank you, sir." Lily was unsure of what to say.  
  
"I am sure you have had time to think of what you did previous, and thought better? It  
  
seems that the best of us want to run away from our problems when it seems like there is  
  
no way out, and no reason to stay alive. But sometimes our goals in life are enough to  
  
keep us holding on. We cannot get to those goals if we don't try, and even if it doesn't  
  
happen right away, it happens down the path in our life's journey. If you would share,  
  
can you think of any goals worth living for?"  
  
"I have a few... I guess they are goals most people have. To have a successful career, to  
  
be happy, and to be loved and have love... I want to get married and start my own  
  
family." Lily's response was gloom.  
  
"Ah, but you shouldn't be rushing your goals. Start by being open-minded and free-  
  
spirited. Live your life a happy life. Your friends will help you get there; they can be your  
  
guidelines as you try to get over your losses. It is just a suggestion after all, but it seems to me like you just need to have some fun to recover, regardless of how long it may take."  
  
Dumbledore took a long breath. "I'll leave you to your thoughts now... Oh and I almost  
  
forgot, these flowers are from your friends, might I add that they miss you very much."  
  
He pointed over to the massive stack of flowers to the right of her bed.  
  
As Dumbledore left the room, several things passed through Lily's head. She  
  
didn't need James; all she needed was her friends all along... And her parents deaths  
  
were not worth killing herself, everyone's parents die eventually, it was just a shame it  
  
was so soon and by Voldemort. It was time to lift her spirits and start living again. Why  
  
should she care what others think of her? If she didn't have that makeover she would still  
  
have the friends she has, and if they didn't accept her they weren't real friends to begin  
  
with. But her friends are so amazing; perhaps she should put people by the test. She  
  
should be herself and not some blonde Barbie. She didn't need people who saw her looks  
  
first. No need for her to do more than a shower, brush her teeth, wash her face, and brush  
  
her hair every day. This time she would be herself, and it would be better from now on.  
  
She vowed to herself, no more James, and no more boys like him.  
  
Lily fell back asleep and by the time she woke up it was later in the night. Madam  
  
Pomphrey was nowhere to be seen so she crept out of bed and put on her robes and  
  
walked to the Gryffindor common room. "Sipherelle" Lily whispered as the portrait  
  
swung open. "Are you alright my dear?" The fat lady asked. "Good as new." Lily replied.  
  
She walked inside the room. It was dead silent and pitch black. Then out of No where was a sneeze, then a "SIRIUS!" and an "OUCH!" Lily didn't know what was  
  
going on. "SURPRISE!" was shouted out to her and Lily jumped up and was startled.  
  
The first thing she saw was a banner hanging from the ceiling charmed to say in flashing  
  
lights "Get Better Lily." Suddenly Lily found herself in a huge hug from Anita to a point  
  
where she couldn't breathe. "Erm... Anita... -gasp- Let... go... of... me... I... can't...  
  
breathe. –gasp-  
  
Anita let go of Lily and Allissa came over with some punch.  
  
"We made sure that the boys didn't spike this."  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------  
  
Disclaimer: By the end of this chapter I still do not own Harry Potter.  
  
A/N: It was mostly an informative chapter. For the people that read a lot of Lily and James fan fiction, you probably can see where this is going. But don't think it's predictable you will see. So now Lily can be happy. Until later—Jenna  
  
Please, please review so I actually want to update this story. 


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